I told my mom recently that when Steven was first born, I felt like it was 90% work and 10% fun, due to an overly fussy baby and suffering postpartum depression. Now, he is 5 months old and I can say it now seems like 90% fun and 10% work. Life has gotten progressively easier, and thinking about Kassidy brings me 90% happiness and 10% sadness. I choose to look at my memories with her, carrying her and enjoying her kicks, keeping her ultrasound pictures in a photo album, and eventually passing down some of her clothing to our future daughters. I would never say that the pain goes away, it doesn't...but Kassidy is watching over me and helping me to reach my own kind of normal.
A few weeks ago I attended a baby shower- for a GIRL. It didn't hit me until half way through the festivities that I would be watching the mommy-to-be open pink gifts and seeing frilly socks and purple blankets. It was like I got a glimpse of what it would have been like to have a girl baby shower to celebrate my daughter. It held back tears and tried to distract myself. I cried when I told me husband about my feelings later that afternoon. Fast forward to February 8th, baby Olivia was born. Again, without thinking about what I was doing, I held her. I held a GIRL for the first time since Kassidy. I had only ever held Steven since Kassidy. I surprisingly felt...okay. It was easier than I anticipated, and I had overcome an internal fear at the same time!
I will be an aunt in the next few weeks...to a niece, yes, another girl. I am very excited to be an aunt and to spoil baby Samantha (and my nephew Ehan due in May). Life is still moving forward...
I received our Kassidy Bear from Molly Bears this past week. I had waited over 14 months for this bear that weighs exactly what Kassidy weighed - 2lbs 11oz.
Coming up in our lives...buying a new home. This should keep me busy, if baby Steven wasn't already :)
