October 26, 2015 - Countdown to Kassidy's Birthday

Just a short 10 days to go until Kassidy's 3rd birthday. I have been up and down the past few weeks as I reflect on my time with her. I'm going to change up the tone for this blog post and share some exerts from my journal I kept when I was pregnant with her, and had recently found out about her fatal anencephaly:

June 5, 2012 (before we knew she had anencephaly)
"12 week appointment today. Found problem with baby, referred to a specialist. Had ultrasound. They said baby has omphalocele. Also mentioned head is abnormal."

June 8, 2012 (day we found out diagnosis)
"Appointment showed baby's skull didn't develop. Baby will not survive. I feel crushed, disappointed, and sad. Family being very supportive."

June 9, 2012 (day after diagnosis, shared information beyond just family)
"Hardly sleeping, hardly eating, feel sick all the time. Sad, feeling sorry for myself. Very scared."

June 10, 2012
"Today I began feeling angry. Angry that it happened to me."

June 18, 2012
"Since finding out, I hate my job. I hate being around people. I hate seeing babies there. I hate my tasks. Everything seems meaningless in the big picture."

June 27, 2012
"It's a girl! I love her so much, I saw her moving on the ultrasound. Doctor says I probably won't make it to my 3rd trimester. Baby girl was 2 weeks behind in measurement. I'm feeling accepting and thankful for this baby."

June 29, 2012
"Today we decided to name her Kassidy Briana."

July 4, 2012
"Each day I feel more and more anxious to meet my little girl. I know in my heart that she feels our love and I'm glad she will go peacefully with God."

July 11, 2012
"I got a doppler today. Found her heartrate between 148-155. My sweet little angel is okay."

July 13, 2012
"I'm going through a jealousy phase of people who have healthy pregnancies and children. Why don't we get to keep our daughter?"

July 20, 2012
"Today I bought Kassidy a pink dress to wear in her pictures. It's beautiful."