Life is good, God is good, and here we are at the beginning of 2016 looking to celebrate Beau's first birthday at the end of February! I can't believe that he is already walking and talking.
Kassidy has been on my mind, mostly because of the holiday season and my mind wanders to imagine what things would be like with one more toddler in the mix. Her existence only enhances my appreciation for our healthy family and friends. Watching the boys open presents on Christmas morning and eat French toast, watching Steven run around with a noisemaker on New Year's Eve, and seeing Beau take his first steps on January 24th have been constant reminders that she is our guardian angel. I remember that during my pregnancy with Kassidy and the time after she was born thinking, "I may never get through this. I want to go with her." I wish I would have known the happiness that was just around the corner. I attribute this feeling to God and that if I hadn't kept my faith in His plan, that I may not have gotten to this point.
I also had to dip down into these emotions on December 18, 2015. December 18th by itself is the anniversary of Kassidy's due date. It also happens to now be the day I miscarried our most recent pregnancy. It happened so fast, and without much time to build excitement or celebration of another life. I found out I was pregnant on December 13th...and was told the next day by a nurse practitioner that only 1 of 3 pregnancy tests at the doctor's office showed positive. That was a sign my pregnancy hormone wasn't very high. I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. 2 blood tests that week revealed that I would miscarry. I felt angry. Hadn't I dealt with enough? I had a miscarriage in 2011, a few months before I got pregnancy with Kassidy. So this would be my 3rd loss overall. My doctor and I noticed a trend in low progesterone with 4 of my 5 pregnancies....so now I am on a progesterone supplement. I just felt...mad. empty. upset.
It took a few weeks, but then I realized - God is in control, I shouldn't worry, I should just trust Him. I let go of the negative feelings and viewed 2016 as a clean slate.
Steven: 2.5 years old, strong-willed, loves Dinosaurs more than life itself, and is an animal person.
Beau: 11 months old, lovey dovey, wants to cuddle and be held all the time, copies big brother and is my mini-me.
Today, I choose happiness. I choose my family and God.
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