Easter has become, even more, precious to me. Jesus’ rising is now even more significant . I’ve especially been thinking about Mary, and her pain losing a child. I feel like I can relate more to her loss and recognize how especially amazing His rising is.
On Easter 2011, I was confirmed in the Catholic Church. Guided and sponsored by my husband, Stevie brought me into a entirely new lifestyle and way to believe – which I think was right on my path toward carrying Kassidy as well.
Easter 2012, one year ago, we found out we were pregnant with our Kassidy. I can’t even describe the happiness I felt when I saw that positive test. Stevie was at work, so I rushed to the store to get another test, plus a few baby items that I planned to arrange in an Easter basket and surprise him with. I got another positive test a few hours later. I can’t believe it’s been a year.
So, here we are, at Easter 2013. It’s been a crazy year for us, definitely a tough situation that some couples cannot endure. My beliefs were strengthened and moved us towards carrying a baby with a fatal diagnosis. I don’t know that many couples could have gotten through that, especially without faith. This Easter, Stevie and I were sponsors for my sister-in-law and brother-in-law to get confirmed. During Easter Vigil, I often thought of Kassidy. I thought of her being with us, and glancing back at in-laws sitting behind us, I thought she may be sitting with them since Stevie and I had to walk up. Silly daydreams. Easter morning we visited Kassidy at the cemetery. It’s not very often that both Mommy and Daddy get to see Kassidy at the same time, Stevie works odd hours 20 miles away. We brought her a pink Easter basket with plastic eggs inside. Landscapers had been by, and her headstone was covered in grass and dirt. We each took turns cleaning up her space. Once her things were arranged again, it was perfect!
Stevie and I will be celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary on June 2nd. I remember last year, just three days before Kassidy’s diagnosis, I told Stevie, “This is our first anniversary, and last anniversary without kids, so we need to do something special!” Sadly, we do have one more anniversary without kids. I’m also scared for Mother’s Day. I am a mother, although my child is in heaven, but I don’t know how others will react around me that day. I expect to be emotional, of course.
I’m basically just thinking out loud right now – but yesterday someone said that this rainbow baby should be my last baby since I have “so much trouble.” It broke my heart. I corrected them and said that Kassidy’s anencephaly was not genetic, but they didn’t seem to get the idea. I’ve done so much research and genetic testing, which has come back normal. I wish people who don’t know much about anencephaly would just keep their mouth shut. It’s a complex abnormality with so many causes, every case is unique. This rainbow baby will not be my last baby.
In about 2 1/2 weeks, we find out our rainbow baby’s gender. We were previously told that it’s a girl, but it wasn’t a for sure answer. I’ve been channeling my thoughts towards that day (April 19th) so I can have something positive to look forward to. I’m probably going to beg Stevie to paint the nursery right away so I can decorate 
Kelsey
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