May 9, 2013 - Six Months Ago

Kassidy turned 6 months in heaven on Sunday, May 5th.

I woke up overwhelmed with emotion. I cried for a good solid hour before I could function enough to do things around the house. Sunday also happened to be my Dad’s 50th birthday, so I made a cake for him that Stevie and I brought over to his house a few hours later. Being with my family was just what I needed. We laughed hysterically at his funny birthday cards and my little sister, Karis, ( age 8 ) felt baby Steven kick. At one moment I thought about how I’d been hysterically crying earlier that morning and now I’m laughing. Do you think God planned it so that Kassidy’s 6 month birthday was shared with my dad’s? To help me get through it? It seemed to work out nicely.

After my dad’s birthday celebration, Stevie and I went to the cemetery to visit Kassidy. We don’t get to go there that often together, since we live so far away and Stevie works near our home. Most of the time when I go, it’s after I get off of work, so I am alone. We stood there for a bit in silence…then we talked. It occurred to me that the time that gone between discovering that she had anencephaly and then saying good bye to her was exactly 5 months. It had now been 6 months since I held her. Those 5 months preparing to say goodbye seemed like 5 years, and these 6 months that had passed felt like 6 minutes. Stevie talked about how his Dad would bring photos of the family to his grandpa’s grave, and that he thought we should bring Kassidy photos of us and baby Steven when he is born. That will be one of our first tasks in late September.

Some surreal moments for me the past few days: 1) Contacting our church about preparation for baby Steven’s baptism. It was exciting to begin to plan for it, when we baptized Kassidy, it was in the hospital, so this will be entirely different and a moment we can share with our families.  // 2) Researching pediatricians. Again, I never got to do this with Kassidy. // 3) Telling my boss that I’d be leaving in September to be a stay-at-home-mom. I can’t wait to spend all of my time caring for this little boy we’ve waited for for so long! I’ll cherish every late night feeding and diaper change! // 4. Discussing selling our home to buy/rent a new place closer to family, work, church etc. Being closer to everything will make life with a newborn so much easier.

We appreciate the continued prayers! Please pray for me during Mother’s Day on Sunday. We are attending an annual Mother’s Day Brunch with Stevie’s family and I’m already emotional thinking about it…

Kelsey