Happy Valentine’s Day <3
I’ve recently come in contact with a few couples who have lost their child unexpectedly to stillbirth. While this saddens me and brings back all the raw emotions of November 5th, it’s important to remember that God always has a purpose for these events. One couple in particular that has been on my heart lately is a couple at my church. I have never met them, but I learned of their loss a few weeks ago from a mutual friend within the church. Every Mass there are “Prayers of the Faithful” and names are listed of the sick and deceased. Hearing their daughter’s name broke my heart, I recall how devastating it was to hear Kassidy’s name said out loud for months when she was in utero fighting against her odds and even a few weeks after her passing. The first week that Kassidy’s name was not said was even just as hurtful. I recognized when their daughter’s name wasn’t announced anymore. I told this couple by letter and email that week 5 after losing the baby is always the most difficult to endure, as that is when family and friends begin to disappear and the baby’s name isn’t mentioned anymore. It’s also when the “shock” phase wears off and you feel completely alone. You feel like every one has moved on while you are still crying every opportunity you get. I made a discovery last week – week 12 is JUST as difficult as week 5. Finding words to describe the emptiness you feel at week 12 is impossible. The guilty feeling returns. Although this time is disheartening, I also witnessed appreciation and genuine love:
Stevie’s cousin and his wife welcomed their second child on February 6th. Baby Isaac is an extra special baby, because Isaac was born needing multiple surgeries to correct a cosmetic “blessing” from God. Most couples facing what Joey and Karie have to face may be angry or upset for their child having to need these operations, but I’ve seen nothing but their positive attitude. If anything, it reiterates that God hand selects the strongest parents to care for these babies. Whether it be Isaac, Kassidy or any other infant God pays a little extra-special attention to when he creates them. God is GOOD.
Two days ago, Stevie and I went in for another doctor’s appointment to check on our “rainbow” baby. Naturally, I was being a worrisome mommy and praying every second leading up to the ultrasound that we would see a strong heartbeat and discover that baby had grown. If you read the previous post, the last ultrasound showed that the baby was measuring behind and the heartbeat was at 115. There was confusion on my due date because of how small the baby was. Just after 1:40pm, we were called back. The ultrasound tech was the same woman who did the last ultrasound, and she remembered me and even remembered that our baby was at 115! Great memory! I liked her already. Legs straight, lights off, gel applied – the ultrasound began. Immediately she pointed out a beating heart. I squealed in excitement and reached out my hand to Stevie. Then we heard a healthy heartbeat of 164! I could tell from the screen that the baby had grown, and I was relieved to hear that baby is measuring at 8 weeks and 2 days! If they keep my original due date of Sept 20th, that means the baby is only 2 days behind, which is absolutely fine. Thank you God! Thank you Kassidy! We met with Dr. Connors and discussed coming back in about 2 weeks so the tech could get a good look at the baby’s brain. This is an option for us, which we accepted so we can have peace of mind about anencephaly. I don’t expect bad news, but good news means I can rest easier at night. We also still plan to meet with a specialist around 12 weeks for a full check and first trimester screening. Our next appointment is March 1st.
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